20 Things Only People Who Went To School In A Small Scottish Town Will Understand

You got drunk in fields, actually enjoyed school trips, and your pals were the best.

1. You couldn’t skive off school because you’d inevitably run into your mum in town.
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And even if you didn’t bump into her, you’d end up bumping into someone else and as everyone knew each other they would just tell your mum anyway.

2. Although tbh skiving school was fairly uneventful.
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To avoid seeing anyone you knew, you had to leave the town completely and find a bus shelter or a piece of wood to sit on until the end of the day.

3. You’d bump into your teachers outside school.
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Which was OK when it was one you liked, not so fun when it was that crazy Gaelic teacher who always yelled at you about your homework.

4. Plus you had the same teachers as your siblings.
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And you’d always end up getting confused with them, or compared to them, which could get a bit wearing after fourteen years.

5. And your auntie was the dinner lady.
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In fact, chances are all your relatives worked in the school canteen.

6. Which meant you tried your best to avoid school dinners entirely as you got older.
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As soon as you were old enough to walk to the shop at lunchtime, a roll and slice was the order of the day. Tomato or broon sauce optional.

7. “Yer maw” was the worst possible insult.
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Because chances are the person using it actually knew your mum, making it way more personal. So of all the playground insults (scabby, scaffy, jakey, minger), the ultimate put down always involved yer maw.

8. And country dancing was extra cringey.
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Because you’d probably end up dancing with a teacher, your sibling, a cousin, or your auntie who was a dinner lady. But hey, at least we know Strip the Willow and The Gay Gordons at every wedding we go to.

9. School trips to the city were a genuine treat.
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Even if it was just a trip to a museum. Big town kids definitely didn’t appreciate what they had on their doorstep.

 

10. And you couldn’t wait until you were old enough to go to the big city without your parents.
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A Saturday jaunt to Glasgow Edinburgh, or Aberdeen took a whole week of lunchtime planning with your friends, but it was definitely worth it.

11. When all other options failed, you could always go on a spontaneous camping trip with your pals.
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And you’d thank your lucky stars that wild camping is legal in Scotland. It made getting away from prying eyes a whole lot easier.

12. Which was also where you learned to drink.
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You were probably not very good at it at first.

13. Every school party featured I Am The Music Man.
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Small town schools are great, but quite unimaginative, so our parties didn’t veer too much from the script. Altogether now: “What can you play?”

14. You’d get in trouble for forgetting to bring this in.
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We had recorder lessons whether we wanted them or not. Guitar? No. Piano? Nope. Drums? Nah. It was all about butchering Three Blind Mice on the recorder. But at least you weren’t that one kid at school who had to learn the bagpipes.

 

15. You’d try (and fail) to pretend that it wasn’t your birthday to avoid the dumps.
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If you didn’t want to be kneed in the backside several times by every single one of your classmates, you kept your birthday on the down low, which is easier said and done when you live in a town where everyone knows each other.

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