30 sayings you’ll remember if your dad is Scottish

Banks, chauffeurs and dispensers of wit and wisdom, Scottish dads always had something to say.

Scottish dads and stepdads – stern, hilarious and always there when you need a wee hand.

Doubling up as the role of banker, personal driver and dispensers of wit, wisdom and the occasional telling-off, they always loomed large in our lives.

Enforcers of the law (which was often laid down by your mum), they always think their cheesy jokes are the funniest around, and they were often the biggest kids in the family.

From scathing rebukes that would cut you down to size, to whole paragraphs of advice expertly summed up in just a sentence or two, here are just some of the phrases you’ll remember if you grew up with a Scottish dad or stepdad.

Turn the big light off it’s like Blackpool Illuminations in here – Is referring to the main light in the living room ‘the big light’ a purely Scottish phenomenon? We aren’t sure, but spend any time in the home of any Scottish dad and you’ll definitely hear it.

Were you born in a park? – This is their subtle way of telling you to shut the door behind and don’t leave it open.

Yer bum’s oot the windae/Yer arse is parsley – You are full of it, usually said in response to an excuse for being out late or doing something you shouldn’t.

Do you honestly think I’m made of money? – Whenever you needed to borrow anything from as little as a quid to £50, this was the standard response.

You are a wee chancer! – Don’t push your luck.

You’re on a shoogly peg/dicing wae death/cruising for a bruising – You’re pushing it too far.

Away an gie’s peace – “I’ve had enough of you beat it.”

Have you asked the High Heid Yin? – When you ask him for permission and he refers you back to whatever your mother’s answer was.

Yer a lang time deid – Life is short so try to enjoy it.

Is the budgie deid? – Usually means your trousers are too short for your legs – as in at half-mast.

Your face is tripping you – You look like you are in a bad mood, lighten up.

I’m off to see a man about a dug – This translates as “I’m going out and it’s none of your business where I’m going”.

Don’t talk mince – Don’t talk rubbish

I’ve been scooting aboot like a burst pipe aw day – A typically colourful expression meaning they’ve had a busy day.

Ma heid’s up ma arse – “I’ve no clue what I’m doing at this point to be honest.”

Hawl! Would you steal my grave as quick? – Usually said when he found you in his favourite seat.

Whit a stramash – Usually said when greeting any disaster from a bit of a mess through to bits of the house falling down.

He couldnae hit a coo’s erse wi’ a barn door – Anytime your dad happened to be watching any sport.

See you! You’re an absolute bloody nae user – If you ever did anything wrong, this is what you’d be hit with.

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